This morning, in that half asleep phase that comes before waking up completely I had a revelation. I opened my eyes and shared my newly acquired wisdom with my husband: "We should have gone the other way!"
"What?!"
"We should have started the trip on the other side! Like that we would have had an 8 month long summer!"
"Have you got something against sleeping?"
With consciousness, arrived even the reasons for the original choice: avoid the Olympics in China and winter in New Zealand, plus enjoy the Australian summer. I knew we had a good reason!
Strange days these last ones before departure. The shops are full of turkeys, hams, chocolates and Christmas puddings. People arrive to the check out with trolleys full of stuff like they were preparing for a siege or a famine. I on the other end am doing my shopping just day to day, with my little basket, careful not to buy too much stuff that I would have to chuck in a few days. At the same time, we have received more invitations for lunch and dinner in the last couple of weeks than in the previous 7 years: family, neighbours, colleagues, they all seem to want to say goodbye before we go, a real wake like with those that emigrated to America years ago.
At a week from departure I am after all quite calm. I keep asking myself if it is really the case but the answer is always the same: "I'm cool!" Except at every little itch going for cool to stressed in zero seconds. I start doing the "what if" game trying to predict the future and every possible scenario, settling eventually for the most tragic as the most probable until I find myself in a spiral of anxiety. I touch the bottom and calm down, finally understanding that I can't do anything but live one day at the time and react as best as I can according to the inspiration of the moment. In the meantime though I have wasted a lot of energy that I could have used better. Luckily for the ones who live with me all this happens inside, without consequences for the others. I'm a bit of a cold fish, the more I get nervous, the calmer I look.
Today I have learned a lesson from my 8 year old daughter. At breakfast I asked: "Girls, are you excited about the trip now?"
In between spoonfuls of corn flakes Nina answered: "No mum. Now I am excited about Santa Claus, once that will be gone I'll get excited about the trip!"
She is right, one thing at the time.
Ascoltando: Muse, Space Dementia
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